I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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