I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want a musical about memes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
