He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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