That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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