I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
