google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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