I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
