Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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