i think i have herpe
just one?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
