Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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