He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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