you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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