I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize