Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
