Need sex. Gaining weight.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
