4 words: hood of his car
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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