Apparently you make a good broom.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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