mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
