I can tuck mytits in my pants
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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