I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
