Betty ford says i'm here all night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
