we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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