i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
