When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
