what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
