I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
