You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
