And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
