Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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