It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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