I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
