you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.