i may or may not be watching the land before time
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her