the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
