Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
