Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!