I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!