she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
that's an acceptable place to lick
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.