He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning