The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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