When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize