Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
