Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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