sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
