I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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