As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
