Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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