Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
