im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
