A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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