Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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