True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am naked and annoyed.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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