There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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