Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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