its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
