It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
