I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
