did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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