everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
