I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ladies don't puke and tell
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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