Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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