Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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