Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
