I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
