Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
