you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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