nut hugger
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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